About 4years ago, I experienced a tragic loss. I was nearly 5 months pregnant and lost my baby girl, Maisey. Without going into all the miserable details, I will say that it was the most painful, sad, terrifying, humiliating, and horrific experiences I can possibly imagine. Luckily, I was “rescued” from the ER by two beautiful nurses who wheeled me to the Labor and Delivery wing following my miscarriage. While in the labor and delivery wing, recovering from surgery following Maisey’s death, a nurse came into our room with a digital camera and a huge memory card. She asked if it would be ok for her to take some pictures of Maisey, and send the memory card home with us. I had NO IDEA at the time how important those photographs would be in my healing process.

I have a vivid memory of waiting to be picked up from the Childbirth Center by my mother. I stood in the pick-up area with my Husband, heartbroken. While other young-women stood holding a tiny baby, carefully buckled into a brand new carseat, I stood with no shoes (I didn’t have time to put them on before the ambulance arrived at out house), clutching the “memorial box” containing the memory card of Maisey’s photos, a knit cap the nurses placed on Maisey, a hand made tiny quilt, and a tiny card with Maisey’s footprints. I was so broken, so angry that I never had the opportunity to show my dear Maisey the tremendous love I have for her. I have opened my “memorial box” at least 1,000 times. I used the photographs to  help remember every detail possible about her tiny hands, her sweet nose. I used the photographs to help explain her death to my 2 year old daughter. I used the photographs to heal.

Through this loss, I have had the opportunity to learn about the organization Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (NILMDTS). I didn’t know about NILMDTS at the time of Maisey’s death, but I am so lucky that the hospital had a plan in place to provide families with photos. 

I learned about NILMDTS about 3 years ago, while reading a blog post about another families’ loss. I felt a urgent need to be a part of the organization. From that moment, I started my trajectory toward becoming a NILMDTS photographer. I had been passionate about photography, but hadn’t considered becoming a professional photographer until that moment. 3 years later, I finally had the confidence to submit my portfolio to NILMDTS, in the hopes of being approved as an affiliate photographer. Today, I received notice that I have been approved as an Affiliated Photographer to serve on behalf on NILMDTS organization. I am beyond honored.

This is such an amazing organization. They are a non-profit group that connects families who have suffered loss of a child with professional (volunteer) photographers. Families get professional photographs of their child, free of cost. Here is a snippet from their webpage (nowilaymedowntosleep.org)

“Mission

To introduce remembrance photography to parents suffering the loss of a baby with a free gift of professional portraiture.

Our Work

NILMDTS trains, educates, and mobilizes professional quality photographers to provide beautiful heirloom portraits to families facing the untimely death of an infant.  We believe these images serve as an important step in the family’s healing process by honoring the child’s legacy.”

I know this is a difficult subject to talk about, but I hope to help spread the word about this amazing organization. Please please please share, let others know, and maybe someone else will find some peace through photography. Learn more here